Venting and complaining is a TERRIBLE strategy if you want to heal quickly. TERRIBLE!
Of course, your archaic books and therapists will tell you this is good, but I’m here to tell you that venting and complaining is one of the easiest ways to keep yourself in an emotional prison.
Venting once, fine. But venting regularly and complaining is essentially an addiction!
People only think the venting is good because it helps them feel good temporarily. Ironically this is what drugs do to you as well! They feel good too. Don’t confuse something that feels good with something that is actually NOT good for you.
The similarity between complaining and drugs is not a coincidence!
How many people do you know who are negative all the time, who constantly complain? No one wants to be around those people!
So stop it!
When you vent your body releases chemicals from the emotions and those emotions are addictive! So every time you vent and release chemicals all you are doing is re-solidifying those neural networks that are associated with complaining and venting.
Venting is good for no one! It solves nothing and it can be as addictive as drugs or alcohol.
I’m sure your friends tell you it’s good to vent, or even worse your therapist or counselor. But if you are reading this that is because what you have been doing has NOT been working!
What you are actually looking for is to develop the skill of emotional resiliency. Emotional resiliency does not mean you ignore challenging events, it means you have a skill so that ultimately you are in control of how you feel regardless of your external circumstances. But you’ve tried this you say? Sure, maybe you have, but you’ve gone about it the wrong way. You might not like that I am telling you this, but that is the truth. If for years you have tried to ‘think positive’, and have failed, it is time to admit your way is not working!
So, what is the right way?
The first step is to recognize emotional resiliency is a skill. It is not learned in a silo. To learn this conditioning process, just like any skill you will need a coach who is an expert in this type of conditioning. To really learn any skill at an expert level, you need an expert feedback mechanism. And here is a newsflash for you, no book or youtube video can give you that. So here comes the real reason why your life may have been tough many years or even decades. Ready?
The top performers in the world all leverage top performers. They all utilize a mentor who is the very best and proven to deliver the skill they are trying to achieve. So here is my question, if the top performers stand on the shoulders of giants and all use mentors, why aren’t you doing that? Why are you making your life so much harder than it has to be? You don’t have to believe me, but if you have ever heard of Tony Robbins you should know the basic premise of his model is that the quickest fastest way to achieve your goal is to model (in person!) the individual who has the skill you desire! The rocket ship to your dream is a mentor! And let me be even more clear. A mentor is not your friend or neighbor. A mentor is defined as someone who is proven to have your desired skill at the highest level, a true proven expert. And yes, anyone at a world-class level is going to charge a price to learn from them.
So it is time for some real self-love in your life!
Everyone loves to give advice about self-love, but very few really know what that really means in practical terms. When you REALLY love yourself you INVEST in yourself BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and KNOW that you are worth the investment. Besides if you won’t invest in yourself, why would anyone else want to invest in you?
For many of you it 2018 was a year you weren’t feeling so thankful. So if you still believe that time heals all wounds, I’d like to welcome you to the year 2019. So how about you put yourself FIRST this one time and give yourself the best gift ever?
Give yourself the gift of emotional resiliency. But the reason this gift has alluded you is because you have gone about it the wrong way. Emotional resiliency is a skill. It is not something that is magically learned. You could meditate from now till 2029 and never magically learn this skill. You can fight this fact or you can embrace it as a right of passage. Make no mistake having control of your emotional states and energy are the ultimate resources to make all of your dreams come true. Because when you are in full control of your emotions, you are in control of your relationships and your life!
All the best for 2019!
Guest submission by Lance Mikkel